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| Okay. COME ONE!@>$%^&*
I'm actually planning to fight myself in order to spend my time.
... I'm just THAT lazy. And i think it's NOT OKAY. My problem is that I'm always telling people how easy school is, how i wasted time sleeping through my past reading week. AND on top of that, I volunteered to do a bunch of stuff that I never laid hands on. I just don't feel like doing anything without people around, without a team. I love it when worship team meet up cuz it's not only myself. Its not boring, but Come on. Is serving ALONE fun at ALL. I know it's not really about the fun but I can't really make anything on my own.
I've been at home for the entire week. guess what. I should have initiated something to do, there's nothing I should regret right now because it's already the past, but next time I know. I must find something productive to do and someone to do it with.
Maybe that's why the first thing Jesus did was to find 12 disciples. | | |
| something pretty interesting i want you guys to know.. =\ it was kinda stupid of me to um, show up at work but clearly i wasn't scheduled this week. And I'm think of thinking that jeff hired me just cuz it was hard to say no. I'm the kind of people who really doesn't like to bother people, so i swear if theres nothing for me to do at their office i'm really not going to work there anymore. and plus there's so many places i wanna apply to. I'm still not sure, like does God want me to even have a job?
I felt kinda stupid today, cuz i quickly left worship practice to speed to 'work'. And then i realized God arranged it so that I could have focused more during practice not just worrying about the time. I don't even want a job then...I guess why He got me into design is cuz a lot of designers aren't earning a lot, because they do freelance, which is basically hiring myself. Choosing my own clients that I wanna work with that will suit my schedule. Well i know that does not sound realistic anymore, people don't survive in this world like that. But hey! My life is God's, and it doesn't matter if I earn money or not, get a normal job or not, He is still gonna love me no matter what I am, what I do. Life in general isn't about achieving that "dream career, perfect future", He called us to be different.
I think I'm clear now =)). Design is like, salt and pepper. I can use it anytime I want, but It's not meant to be my Main course.
Oh hey look what I have been doing for the past 5 weeks =)
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|  I really don't want to accept this because it doesn't seem to relate at all, but I know that whenever something bad happens, it's God's way of showing me what I've been doing something wrong and giving me a chance to learn. My mom was, or maybe is still mad at me right now, only because I made a decision on the spot to go to c4c tonight. And ive been there once before, so going home late on a thursday is not a surprise. I was home late last night too because of ccf. haha. .so many Cs. well She's mainly mad at me because i didn't tell them when I was going to come back, and because I didn't call my dad to pick me up but taking the woodbine bus back home. And so I guess they waited for like 2 hours to finally have dinner. and obviously it was awkward during dinner.
What I'm struggling here right now is to find out other than not being responsible with my parents, what else did I do wrong to get that. I really hate it when my mom is mad. she doesn't say or do anything but keeps quiet and "fat pey hey"(well i'm not sure.. since i never asked). I rather she yells at me then I know exactly what she is thinking.
There were only 4 people in my entire life that had been mad at me. My parents, rachel and alice. If theres anymore then....i'm clueless about those. I don't know how to deal with people being mad at me. Moreover I don't know how to be mad at someone. I've only been jealous or envy, getting mad is like impossible because that will be blaming God for what I've done wrong and hating the plans that He has for me.
I only know how to say sorry, and I do mean it. Other than that, I don't have the courage to ask or confess to my parents about truly how I feel. I think they know already, on the surface. Which, there are so much more to my life that they have no idea about. aka. my christian life. And that will be the hardest thing to share with them .
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i think i just figured out....
tonights message was about the impossible christian life, which means living as a christian is not all good and smooth, if it is, you're living it wrong. thank you Jesus =) | | |
| Um, I guess reading isn't bad at all, kinda backed up my point to why now I actually gets so annoyed at people who posts pictures that they took, simply with macro or color adjustments with their camera (which are already common functions now a days) and say it's pro photography. yeah okay. then go take a HB pencil, a rock and draw a circle on it, that's totally artistic eh. I'm not speaking for real photographers cuz i totally don't understand the real concept, or meaning, techniques behind taking pictures. But I'm sure it's something close to Writing an essay. It's not easy, and you really have to do a lot of preparation work in order to get one good photo.
Why am I writing that then? since I have no rights to judge these people. Well, it's just that....(yeah I'm totally into my readings too much obviously, if you're in critical issues of design you'll know what I'm taking about), popular culture is sucking everyone into the miserable but irresistible swirl of non-sense. like, hating school is one of the most hidden obvious case among teenagers. Why do everyone hate school anyways, when You have the option to drop out. Why do you spend so much time on homework rather than more "productive" things then, if you hate school. Hating every part of their own lives is basically what people are doing now.. its like the whole world hates itself.
So things are slowly getting into our minds that, if it's not considered as entertainment, sociable and enjoyable activities then it's all Work. But look at the definition of work on dictionary.com "exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something". Alrite, so I guess people hate what they are trying to accomplish. That's kinda sad.
Back to photography, sorry but I have to. I think I'm not the only one who's annoyed by the photo album on facebook which only contains of random meaningless objects zoomed in. Likewise, When things are being repeated so many times and people keep doing it because all the others have already done it, there's gonna be no more beauty of the original creation.
I admit that I am also a victim of popular culture, trying to find my way out.
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